How I Met Your Mio
by CZeke
Summary: When there is no more room in Hell, male OCs will walk the earth.


**(The year 2030)**

"Okay, kids, who's ready for another story?"

My kids didn't even have to answer; they just sat there on the couch, listening attentively. Bless 'em.

"As you know," I said, "I believe there's nothing more important in life than finding the right partner. That's why I've told you so many stories from my dating years, so you can learn from my successes and avoid my mistakes. Today I'm going to tell you about one of my most important relationships - one that would inform my future efforts, and push me further on the path that eventually led to your mother.

"Kids... this is the story of how I met your Aunt Mio."

* * *

 **(2010)**

 ** _It was my last year of high school. Back then the economy was pretty tough, so when my dad got offered a promotion, he took it. Unfortunately, that promotion came with an overseas transfer - so the whole family had to pack up and move to Japan. For all of us, that meant an adjustment, and for me, it meant starting a new school._**

Ms. Sawako was late. This was unusual enough to get the class noisily speculating about the cause. "I bet she's got the clap," said Ritsu. "What do you think, Mio?"

But Ritsu got no response, even when she prodded her friend in the shoulder. Mio was just staring out the window. These days she was feeling kind of... funny. She wasn't sad exactly, but she felt like she was just drifting along. Things just happened to her, coming and going like clouds across the sky. Nothing really moved her. Nothing filled the emptiness in -

"Sorry!" Sawako stormed into the room, looking flustered. Along with her usual class notes, she was holding some sort of folder. She took a moment to collect herself; then she addressed the class.

"Students, before we start today, I have a new student to introduce to you. I know it's unusual to get a transfer at this point in the year, but I'm sure you'll make him feel welcome."

There was a brief commotion. A transfer student? From where? And above all... "Did you say 'him', Sawa-chan?" Yui asked.

"Yes."

"I don't understand," said Tsumugi. "How can that be? Isn't this an all-girl school?"

Ritsu raised both eyebrows. "Is it? I don't remember that actually being established."

"But we never see any boys here. I've always assumed..."

Sawako cleared her throat. "Either way, he's here now. Come on in, Lance."

The door opened. The class turned to see the new arrival. Even Mio, though not really hopping with excitement, looked just because it was something to do. But what she saw...

The boy who walked in was easily six feet tall. He was dark, intimidating. A scar ran from his left eye halfway down his cheek. Over top of a male Sakuragaoka uniform (which nobody in the class had ever seen before), he wore a leather jacket in blatant defiance of the dress code. He glared at all present.

The boy had "troublemaker" written all over him. He was the kind of dangerous unknown male that Mio would usually cross the street to avoid. So why couldn't she take her eyes off him?

"Students," said Sawako, "allow me to introduce your new classmate. He's just moved here from America. His full name is... let me just get this right..." She picked up the folder from her desk and opened it. "...Lance Kenshiro Bladestorm Xandor Gutsman-Yokozuna."

The class observed a moment of silent awe.

"Say hello," Sawako told the new student.

He glared at her, and then muttered, "Hi." Everyone in the room felt a chill. His voice was low, almost inaudible, but still somehow terrifying - like a werewolf fighting a bear miles away.

The class stared uncertainly at the new arrival, some excited, others nervous. Himeko timidly raised her hand. "Ms. Sawako, I don't mean to be rude, but is he allowed to bring that in the school?"

"Bring what?"

Himeko pointed.

"Oh," said Sawako. "The _chainsaw_. Yes, I know it's a little unorthodox, but apparently he has special permission to carry that."

"From who?"

Sawako shrugged. "Didn't ask."

The new student gripped the handle of his chainsaw so hard his knuckles went white. "Back off," he grumbled at Himeko. "I need this. _In case it happens again._ "

"Yes, sir," whispered Himeko, hugging her knees.

"All right, let's find a seat for you," said Sawako to the newcomer. "Hmmm... let's see..." Several girls eagerly raised their hands, hoping to have this exciting transfer student sit near them.

"Okay, you'll sit there," said Sawako, pointing at the desk to Mio's left. The bassist felt her heart skip a beat. Why was she reacting like this?

The new student walked over to his assigned desk. It was at this point that the class collectively realized there were no empty seats.

"Hey!" protested Fuuko as the boy dumped his things on her desk. "This is my spot!"

Eyes blazing, he scorched her with a burning glare that could have set fire to flames. "This _was_ your spot," he coldly declared.

Fuuko fled the classroom in tears.

"We'll get her a new desk tomorrow," said Sawako. "Okay, let's start on today's lesson..."

Mio, who had never really liked Fuuko anyway, watched her new neighbour out the corner of her eye. What was it about this boy that fascinated her? The scar? The chainsaw? The bad attitude - badditude, if you will? She didn't know. All she knew was that somehow, she didn't feel so drifty anymore.

It was the first stirring of the dawn of the beginning of the start of the birth of the dawn of the dawning of Mio's first true love.

* * *

 _ **Now kids, you may find this hard to believe, but your old man used to know a thing or two about rock 'n' roll...**_

In the music room, tea was served, cakes were laid out, and vol- no, wait, cakes were no longer laid out. Yui had just eaten them all. But tea was served, and volume was high. The topic of conversation went without saying.

"A _chainsaw_?" said Azusa.

"Yep," said Ritsu. "It was _this_ big! Bigger!"

Mio took a sip of tea. She wasn't really following the discussion. Her head was full of strange thoughts she couldn't sort out. Somehow she couldn't take her mind off this new boy. This rule-breaker. This _maverick_.

Somebody knocked on the door. "Oo! I'll get it!" said Yui. She got up and ran to -

KAWHAM! The door was _punched_ right off its hinges. Yui ducked the shrapnel that flew her way.

"Hi," said the new boy. "I hear you're the rock music club."

"It's really more like po-" Ritsu was cut off by Mio's hand over her mouth.

"Cool. Got any openings?"

Yui frowned. "You want to join the club?"

"Yeah. Rock is my -"

"So you didn't bring _any_ pizza?"

Azusa glared at Ritsu, who admitted, "I may have implied that I ordered some."

"Pizza is for the weak," said the boy, scowling at Yui. "A pizza killed my sister. Screw pizza and _screw you_."

Yui started tearing up. "Mioooooo!"

"Yes, Yui?"

"The chainsaw guy is being mean! Stop him!"

"Yeah. Okay."

That was all Mio said. Confused, Yui turned to see her friend just staring at the boy. Her face was blank. She was like a deer staring at headlights... if the deer had an obvious crush on them.

The boy didn't notice. He slammed his backpack down on the table and took a seat. "I want to join your club. Got a _problem_ with that?" For some reason he addressed this directly to Azusa, who immediately hid under her chair.

"Stop scaring little girls!" said Ritsu. "You can address all your questions to the club president! That's her with the black hair."

Mio, who usually fought back when Ritsu pulled this particular trick, was too busy being shy this time. "H-hi, sir. I'm M-M-Mio Akiyama."

He smiled slightly. "Hi. Lance Gutsman-Yokozuna. My friends call me Stab."

"That sounds... strong..." It sounded terrifying, actually, but somehow that didn't bother her.

He flexed a muscle. "Strong is right. I could lift you with my little finger. Lift you into the air, spin you around twice, and slam you down head first. It's my finishing move."

Why the _hell_ did she feel flattered? "Uh... I hope you won't do that..."

"Oh, I'll do it if I have to. Watch your back."

Ritsu was utterly aghast. "Hey! Don't you threaten Mio, you big -"

Stab punched the table. His face was suddenly in deep shadow, even though all the lights were on. "Back off," he whispered.

"Uh -"

"I said BACK OFF! You don't know what I've suffered! I can never trust again!"

Mio stared at the transfer student's pained, yet still badass face. Was that a tear she saw? Or was it something else, like a speck of dust drifting by? How could she be sure with someone so mysterious? Let's just say it was a tear. "Leave him alone, Ritsu!" she cried.

The drummer looked offended. "I'm trying to stick up for -"

"Well, stop! Can't you see he's hurting?"

Stab turned away. "Mio... I wish I could thank you... but I can't show vulnerability... I just can't..."

Yui whispered to Azusa, "Isn't that the kind of thing people usually just think, not say?"

"It's okay," said Mio, putting a hand on his shoulder. Then she froze. She had just put a _hand_ on a _boy's shoulder_. A boy she had just met, who had sort of threatened her life. A boy with a chainsaw. Was she crazy?

No. No, she wasn't. YES. No. No! This wasn't crazy! Somehow, it felt right!

This boy was different. He wasn't like the other zero boys at the school. Something about him drew Mio in like a magnet. A boy-shaped magnet that worked on girls instead of metal and suppressed all their usual inhibitions. A hypno-femi-magnet, so to speak. How could she fight such a marvel of technology?

"Let's walk each other home," she said to Stab. He said nothing back, but in his eyes, she could see the beginning of acceptance. So far, acceptance looked kind of like a dead stare.

The two students got up and headed for the door. "Hey!" Azusa called after them. "What about practice?"

"Tomorrow," said Mio in an airy tone that the others had never heard her use before. Tsumugi mentally checked her list of tones, and was shocked to find that Mio had stolen it from her.

"Thanks for letting me join," said Stab, still struggling with his manly pain. "I'll try to be better tomorrow. Till then, leave me the hell alone."

"Wait!" said Ritsu. "At least tell us what you play!"

He turned and looked her in the eye. "Only violence can silence the screams in my soul."

"Vio- oh crud, you're a drummer, aren't you?"

Mio pulled Stab back toward the door. "Don't worry. We'll sort this out tomorrow. I think Ritsu took some flute lessons once."

"I did NOT!" She had.

The pair departed. On his way out, Stab punched the door back onto its hinges. Silence followed.

"You know our new drummer?" said Yui. "I think Mio likes him."

Ritsu's answer died on her lips, then spun in its grave.

* * *

 **Next: Do You Saw What I Saw?**


End file.
